The Psychology of Ambition

The Psychology of Ambition

Rethinking attachment

Dr. Gena Gorlin's avatar
Dr. Gena Gorlin
Jul 18, 2025
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Ainsworth’s “Strange Situation” experiment (fictional image generated by ChatGPT)

Hot take: our attachment styles actually say more about how we relate to the world as a whole than how we relate to other people, per se.

No, really, hear me out:

The common view is that attachment styles reflect our internal working models of what to expect in major relationships, largely based on our earliest relationships with caregivers. Let's call this the "generalized-caregiver-model" (GCM) view. Here are some problems with the GCM:

1) Even the most secure child-caregiver relationship is too weird and unique to serve as a good model for adult relationships. A healthy adult relationship (including with our former caregivers) presupposes 2 independent agents who no longer require "caregiving".

Indeed, part of being a "securely attached" adult is not wanting or needing to be mothered by your friends/partners/colleagues; if you do, this generally reflects an unmet developmental need. The best caregivers are…

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